Where am I going? Where SHOULD I be going?
I am 36 years old. Recently I felt that I am at one of those points in my life that I feel like I am taking care of what I need to get done to get to the next level in my career. Then that feeling is followed by those moments where people pile eighty thousand tons of doubt on top of me. By the way, this week, I feel that eighty thousand pounds came at me at 75 miles per hour.
I am 36 years old. I am not bi-polar, but everything around me sure seems to be. Not the people, but rather the events.
I am 36 years old. I am also just 3 years and a few months out of getting my Bachelors Degree. Most people who go to college have their degree at an age about ten years younger than when I did it. I spent nine years of my life doing many things and most of them worthwhile. If I had not done those things I would not be the person that I am today. Of course, I personally see that being that person, with all of my many, MANY faults, is what makes me a value in my chosen career path.
I am 36 years old. I am working seven days a week. I am doing many different things to better myself so that I can be better everyday as I continue on this path. When asked to fill in, I not only jump in with both feet, I am excited and very enthusiastic about it. And then I am told by many people, who I hope are being completely honest with me, that I have done a good or very good job.
I get told NOTHING by the most of people above me. I am not one to fish for praise. However, I am one who needs FEEDBACK to get better. What did I do poorly? What did I do well? What should I have done? What should I not have done? Personally, I think EVERYONE needs honest and directed feedback.
NOTHING
Now it gets better. Now I am told that I should not host shows as a fill in. Now I am told, "you are the traffic guy....you should be doing traffic." Oh, so much for developing talent. What was I thinking?
Don't misunderstand me. I do not hate my job. I actually like it. I will not like it if it is what I am doing twenty years from now. With my patience, I will not be liking it if I am doing it TWO years from now.
The frustration that I have right now is simple.
I am 36 years old. Am I being viewed as simply "the traffic guy" with NO HOPE for EVER becoming ANYTHING else? I guess I need to know the answer to this question. If the answer is no, then my faith can remain and I can continue on working to get better each and everyday. If the answer is yes, then I need to start rethinking what I am doing. I need to start rethinking where I am going. And I need to make a plan to get to somewhere else.
I am 36 years old. I am too old to run in to brick walls. I am too old to climb over those walls. Is there a gate somewhere? Or do I have to find my way around the end of the wall.
Am I WRONG to have goals? Is having aspirations to do better than I am now a BAD THING? Lately, I am left to feel that in the minds of some, it is a bad thing. Now, isn't THAT a nice feeling to have around your family?
Especially to have that feeling...when you are 36 years old.
Comments
Jay,
You are 36 years old, you have at least 36 more years to work (Social Security won't do much for you). You will probably live into your 80's, so you are not even middle aged yet. You love your work. Not everyone can say that. Enjoy what you are doing and strive to improve, it will get better. Have I ever lied to you(except about Santa, the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny?
Mom
Posted by: Margaret Kersting | August 28, 2006 08:27 AM
What about Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny?
You are right. You told me a while ago to do what I like and the money will follow. It appears that MAY happen. But, I am still frustrated.
Posted by: Jay Kersting | August 28, 2006 07:26 PM
Jay,
I've just recently started reading your blog but have been a NewsTalk listener for a long time. I always look forward to your traffic reports and any other fill in spots you do. I would love to hear more than traffic from you on a regular basis. Since I am at church by 9:00 am, I don't have a chance to listen to your show on Sunday morning.
I enjoy your style and think you have great talent. You have an interesting point of view and a strong, but pleasant voice. You are definitely an asset to the station. I can't really give advice on how to deal with those above that may be discouraging you. I would encourage you to talk with some of the more experienced on air folks. You are surrounded by some wonderful and talented people. (No, I am not related to or friends with any of them. lol) If you desire more out of your career, go for it. You have the talent and ability. Higher goals and ambitions are good at any age.
By the way, sounds like you need a mental break. I don't mean a vacation. I mean a hobby or a release. Something that you can engage in almost daily for short or even long periods as events allow. It could be a sport, photography, collecting, knitting, yoga...something totally unrelated to work, news and radio. You need some Jay time even if it is only a few minutes a day. Your family, co-workers and career will benefit from it. You will thrive and grow.
Remember too, that a successful and rewarding career is important, but not the ultimate goal of your life. You have a wonderful family that God has given you responsibility for. You appear to recognize that and make your family your priority. Make God and your family first. Everything else will follow according to His blessings.
Take care, friend.
Posted by: Peachy | August 29, 2006 08:29 AM
Peachy,
Thanks for the kind words. I need to PERSONALLY learn a way to relax. That is a problem that I have had for a LONG TIME. Kathy told me in January, while we were on a cruise, that it was the first time in twelve years, the entire time she had known me, that she had actually seen me look and act relaxed.
So, I am basically a go, go, go, type person. WHICH will lead to burn out. So, I need to find an outlet. You are right on that.
I have been using the shows as that outlet. But, those opportunities are too few and far between.
I will figure something out.
Thanks again for the kind words.
Posted by: Jay Kersting | August 29, 2006 06:57 PM
Hi, Jay,
I've been listening to you do traffic for a few months now, but yesterday I caught the last few minutes of your fill-in host duties for Phil Williams. Just wanted to say I thought you did an exemplary job and, in my opinion, you should have your own conservative talk show. You have a quick wit, keen insight and a great radio voice. I enjoyed the clarity you brought to the discussion. And some subtle derision directed at the people who deserved it didn't hurt, either.
Good job.
Posted by: Persuader | September 1, 2006 07:31 AM
Oops, reading further, I see you do have your own show on Sunday!
Well, just goes to show my estimation of you has been confirmed!
Posted by: Persuader | September 1, 2006 07:34 AM
Thanks for the feedback and kind words. The Sunday show is fun and the ratings have been incredible lately. However, I think that show may go by the wayside in the next few weeks. Oh well.
Posted by: Jay Kersting | September 1, 2006 09:53 AM